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Submarine open day

Stoker Mates, I've a tale for you,
It happened to me,
And it could happen to you.
It happened to me just this way,
On Submarine open day.

I was out in the Donk Shop for a while,
Answering questions with a smile,
I looked through 77 and there she stood,
With one leg normal,
And one of wood.

She stepped through the door with a 'clunk'
I'm telling you now, it was all to much.
With long blonde hair, and such rare beauty,
I overlooked her disability.

She asked 'are you a Stoker sport?'
I bet you can rev, and I bet you can snort,
I thought old mate, you're quids in here,
I'll show her the works of the turning gear.

I took her 'round the side of port,
And she slipped in oil, just like I thought.
Without hesitation, nor any guilt,
Down with the pants, and right up to the hilt.

Wood chips flew, and hair did fly,
She gave out a moan, and gave out a sigh,
And then she screamed-'you Stoker fiend'
You've snapped my leg off nice 'n clean.

I went down to the Engineers Store,
found some glue, and sent out for some more.
I glued it up so precisely, and smoothed it off
With some fine emery.

I calmed her down, with a white 'n two,
And that's not all, I'm telling you.
When she went to leave, I had to laugh.
One shoe pointed For'ard, and the other one Aft.

Now this girl, is the wife of mine,
With her Starboard leg of the finest pine.
I found the wood on a packing crate,
And it was carved by my 'Chippy' mate.

There is a moral to this ditty,
When you're on a 'jolly' in a foreign city
Go ashore and spend your pay,
And hope you don't score an open day


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